This post is mainly about sex again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
And frogs. It’s also about frogs. Like, if you were asking yourself this morning, “Jeez, but where will I find a sassy, Goddess-loving woman to write about what really matters to ME, which is, of course, sex and frogs?” Then are you ever in luck! You also have some stuff to work on. No judgement, just pointing out you may want to spend some time thinking about that. Still think you’re great.
Growing up in rural Nova Scotia, near a large lake, I used to spend hours around frogs; watching them mainly. I didn’t particularly enjoy catching them, because honestly they’re a little slimy, and because I was fairly sure that by catching them, I was keeping them from important frog-business. I never really spent any amount of time imagining what that business might be, but I knew it must be something.
That isn’t to say that the frog is like my favorite animal or something. It’s just really, really, really boring in rural Nova Scotia. Beautiful, but boring. Frogs, even sitting completely motionless, seemed fascinating by comparison. And frogs are not that fascinating while sitting completely motionless. My options were limited.
So it shocked me recently, through some personal research, to learn more about their spiritual significance in several cultures. After my best friend mentioned a while back that this same frog kept appearing by her door in a weird place, (a somewhat dangerous place for a frog, actually) I wondered if this could be a animal omen of some kind. She was going through some emotional stuff with a violent ex at the time, and we were both praying for her safety. So after ruling out the more mundane reasons why a frog could appear there, I did a little hunting.
….and yes, I promise the sexy stuff is coming soon.
The first thing that I noticed, which was somewhat apt for my friend (and will likely be the first thing you see if you google the words “frog” and “goddess”) is Heket (spelling variations abound); an ancient Eqyptian goddess of fertility, midwifery, childbirth in general, as well as rebirth in the afterlife. She was was depicted as a frog. I found this somewhat peculiar at first, until I realized that an official butt-load of ancient peoples viewed the humble frog as a powerful fertility symbol: all throughout pre-Columbian Middle and South America various tribes had fertility goddesses in the shape of a frog or with frog features, and the Chinese and Japanese both saw frogs as symbols of fertility as well.
Now, fertility can mean many things; fertile land, fertile seas, fertile minds, fertile wombs….and NOW we’re at the sexy stuff. See? Told you I was going there.
Quick, who among you reading this would consider a frog a “sexy” animal? Cute, maybe. Interesting? Sure. But sexy? Doesn’t jump out to me.
But fertile. Fertile. As. Hell. Apparently, anyway.
…are you sexually fertile? I don’t mean in the medical sense, of if your swimmers swim or if you womb is ready, at this precise moment, to grow a tiny new person.
I mean, are you fertile for sex? Are you open and receptive to the best sex it is possible for you to have?
Most of you are probably automatically nodding “yes”. Some of you are probably going “well duh. Of course.”
And most of you, no offense, are probably wrong.
Note I said “best sex it is possible for you to have”; not “happy sex in the same way that I always have sex in the same place I always have sex with the same person I always have sex with.”
Not “quick drunken passable sex with a stranger because fuck they’re okay with it and I’m so goddamn horny/lonely/hurt-over-my ex that whatever it’ll still be great”.
Especially not “Sex because it’s been a while and I’m scared that I’m getting older/unattractive/don’t remember how my equipment works anymore so I need SOMEBODY.”
None of those things are what I am talking about. You don’t have to be in a relationship to have amazing sex. You don’t have to have a one night stand to do it either. You don’t need to be the most attractive, the most athletic, the most exotic, the most educated, the most ANYTHING. You just need to be fertile.
Fertile to the idea. Fertile to the idea of having amazing sex, as defined by YOU, for the sheer joy of having sex. To explore what makes your sexuality work. What makes you breathe from that special weird spot in the back of your throat and makes your mind shut down for a good couple of hours and your thighs burn and has you feeling like a goddess/god afterwards.
Not because of what you did for the other person; I see that in magazines all the time and it drives me BONKERS. “How to blow his mind in bed!” or “How to ruin her for other men!” It’s stupid. I almost never criticize anymore, but I’m going to come right out and say it, that’s stupid. Here’s why:
The best sex in the world comes from you committing to having the best sex in the world, in that moment, for you. There’s nothing wrong with educating yourself on the anatomy or positions or tips and tricks even if that floats your boat. Nothing at all. But going into sex with the goal of “blowing his mind” or “ruining her”? Might give you great sex, but it won’t be the best sex of your life. It might be the best you’ve had so far, but not all you’re capable of.
So here’s my advice, and, as with everything I write, feel free to ignore. Yes educate yourself a little – on things you can try to make yourself feel good. Be honest, completely honest, and non-judgemental with yourself as to what you need to have to experience your best possible experience. This will be a much bigger project for many of you than you may anticipate. Remember, BEST POSSIBLE EXPERIENCE. It will maybe involve some fear, some discouragement. This is fine. Be kind with yourself. Research ways to get what you need, where you can find like minded people, the works. And settle for nothing less. Not one thing.
It might sound like I am advocating being a selfish lover, and to an extent, I am; because if you DO educate yourself, and walk into your next sexual encounter committing to have the best sex of your life? With a partner you at least know well enough to communicate your desires to confidently? Then you won’t have to worry about pleasing them – provided you use a little common sense when picking your partner, they’ll enjoy themselves plenty. In any form of communication, whether physical, verbal, written – honesty, kindness, and respect are, in my opinion, your benchmarks. You can be all those things and still take care of your needs.
I meant what I said in my last post – I truly believe our sexuality is one of the Goddess’/God’s/Nature’s greatest gifts to us. And far too often sex is taught to us as something dirty, or shameful, or base, or unimportant. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex. There is nothing wrong ESPECIALLY with wanting awesome, earth-shattering sex. There is no need to feel guilt, or shame, or disgust, or to think yourself shallow for wanting these things. There are a huge amount of organisms that reproduce asexually. No sex. There are a huge amount of creatures who have sex but seem to take no great pleasure from it. You were born with the gift of being able to enjoy sex, vastly, in a variety of different ways, different situations, different positions, different people. You are part of a rare type of being, as far as we know. And sex is important. Except for a very few, sex is as common a urge as eating or drinking, and every bit as vital in my opinion, or nearly anyway, for good health.
I understand some people reading this may belong to faiths that advocate sex only within marriage, with one person ever. And if that is what makes you happy, please don’t ever think I intend any offense to you. And all I said still stands. You deserve every kind of joy in life. I don’t even need to know you to know that. And I refuse to believe that ANY loving deity would give their children an amazingly pleasurable thing, but punish them if they tried to use it to the fullest.
So be a little selfish. If you have a partner currently, and are happy, there is no reason why you cannot take what I’ve said here and apply it to your relationship. It may help it grow stronger, provided you’re both honest and open.
Or ignore all of this. But either way, I hope all of you will take a note from Froggy McFroggerson; you don’t have to be the most amazingly beautiful, cuddly, or exotic creature out there.
Just be fertile.